19 Months

Jaxson turned 19 months today! He’s now officially closer to two than one, and while J and I are both sad that our little boy is growing up so quickly, we are both more in love with him as the days go by. He’s such a wonderful little guy and we are so happy he is ours.

On to the updates!

New Skills

  • blowing his nose in a tissue
  • getting undressed – the other morning I went to go get him up and there his pants were, lying on the floor, his shirt only on his neck and around one arm
  • pulls up his pants when getting dressed and tries to put on his shoes by himself
  • feeds himself with a spoon
  • jumping! (which usually ends with him landing on his butt instead of his feet)
  • mimicking our singing or laughing, especially when Mamas are being silly
  • knocking (which he now does on doors, tables, walls, etc.)
  • fist-bumps or “knuckles”
  • smacking his lips (when putting on chapstick)
  • telling you if he went pee/poo

New Vocab

  • buh-bye
  • die-dee (diaper)
  • pee-pee/poo-poo
  • Oreo
  • bun (bunny)
  • bloon (balloon)
  • choo-choo
  • crinkles (sprinkles, when asked what kind of cookie he wants at Publix)
  • gnah-gnah (hungry, kind of like nom-nom)
  • door
  • cookie
  • cracker
  • store
  • Mall
  • play
  • pool
  • making sentences from every word he knows (such as “Mama car turtle pool guh-guh bubble”, which I’m sure makes sense to him but we’re still a little lost)

Likes

  • Harry the Bunny & Peek-a-Boo on BabyFirst TV
  • taking MoMo everywhere
  • cars/trucks/trains
  • playing peekaboo & hide and seek (hiding behind a wall until we find him or he decides to “boo!” us)
  • reading & telling us “stories”
  • playing the drums
  • hugs/kisses/snuggling with Mamas
  • giving treats to Bubba

Dislikes

  • bread & most meat (if you ask him if he’s going to be a vegetarian, he’ll nod his head yes – I swear we didn’t teach him this!)
  • Mama’s (or anyone really) crying
  • mean kids (he was absolutely horrified the other day at the Mall when one kid started hitting another, I thought he was going to lose his mind)
  • leaving Guh-Guh’s on days Grandpa watches him while J works
  • not having Terrapin anymore (we drained the tank this weekend and it is currently sitting empty until we turn it into a fish tank, and he keeps going up to it and crying “turtle? turtle!”)
  • teething (we can finally feel the upper left canine starting to poke through)

So that’s Jaxson’s month in a nutshell. He’s getting so big so fast! We had to turn him forward-facing in the car seat since his legs were so cramped up because they are so long! He seems much happier with this as he can see more out of the windows now. Last but not least, here are some pictures. 🙂

 

Duck Face

Duck Face

Playing with Star before bed

Playing with Star before bed

First, let me take a selfie.

First, let me take a selfie.

Bathtime Silliness

Bathtime Silliness

Watching TV

Watching TV

Tall boy all stretched out

Tall boy all stretched out

All Smiles

All Smiles

Looking for turtles at cousin Caden's birthday party

Looking for turtles at cousin Caden’s birthday party

Lounging in Mamas' bed

Lounging in Mamas’ bed

Everywhere that Jaxson went, MoMo was sure to go

And everywhere that Jaxson went, MoMo was sure to go

Peek-a-boo!

Peek-a-boo!

Jax & MoMo = BFFs

Jax & MoMo = BFFs

Releasing Terrapin, he was not happy

Releasing Terrapin, he was not happy

Big Cheesy Grin!

Big Cheesy Grin!

Trying to steal Papa's car

Making a fast get-away in Papa’s car

Trying to flip!

Trying to flip!

Our Happy Family

Our Happy Family

Look at all those teeth!

Ready to go!

Meltdown

This weekend was rough.

We released our pet turtle, Terrapin, into a preserve close to our house. He turned 5 years old this year and while we toyed with the idea of building an outdoor enclosure for him since his indoor tank was just not cutting it anymore, we made the hard decision to release him back into the wild. J’s dad had actually found baby Terrapin stranded in the dirt on their rural property in Gainesville while mowing. He had a damaged eye and was only about the size of a half-dollar. We took him in, nursed him back to health, and watched him grow and grow for five years. While J had an instant connection with him, he took much longer to warm up to me (he used to hiss at me whenever we’d clean his tank, meanwhile he would always let J take him out and wax his shell without any problems), and after 5 years losing any pet is always difficult. We took Jaxson with us to release Terrapin and the whole time Jaxson kept saying “turtle, turtle” in a sad, sweet little voice. I know he is going to miss his friend, but we promised him and ourselves we’d go back to visit our turtle often.

I had a meltdown this weekend. Like full-blown I am freakin’ insane yelling/crying/snot everywhere meltdown. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn’t keep it together, moreso because this meltdown occurred in front of our son. I vowed long before we became parents that I wouldn’t be the parent I feared growing up, the one that yelled and threw things and slammed doors, the one that scared children with my rants and anger. And this weekend I epic failed on all counts. I yelled. I cried. I cursed. I failed as a parent and poor Jaxson was scared and upset, confused and worried, coming up to make sure I was okay yet hesitant to approach me while angry tears ran down my face making me look quite horrible I’m sure. Luckily, J saved him by taking him to read stories for naptime, and I went and took a shower and a nap myself to cool off. Later, she asked me to never do that in front of him again and I wholeheartedly agreed, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks from guilt, angst, turmoil, embarrassment.

I can’t pinpoint the exact reason I lost my mind on Sunday afternoon. I know that it wasn’t just one single event that triggered it, like the turtle. It was more like a 10-car pileup of little things that I’d just stuffed down and away to be dealt with later. I know that I always get moody around my birthday, and with all of our stresses at home lately it’s been difficult to cope. I’ve felt down lately for a multitude of reasons: poor health, lack of intimate time with my wife, fears/worries over money, work, the future. Lying deep underneath all of these reasons, however, lies an impatience and anger over the fact that I should have been trying to get pregnant at this time this year, and instead we pushed it back until next year.

I feel stupid for feeling this way and for acting the way I did. I feel ridiculous and childish, like I’m throwing a tantrum because I’m not getting my way right now. And honestly, that’s exactly what it felt like on Sunday and I just couldn’t stop. All of these feelings and emotions just poured out of me like a pipe had burst inside of me and the shut-off switch just wasn’t working. I know that in a perfect world I should have had my period last week, and despite never actually having it I do still get the hormone fluctuations. Add to that the fact that I turned a year older last week and watched our original deadline for TTC pass by us without any momentum or progress forward…well, to say I’m frustrated is an understatement.

I know why we are waiting to TTC, but it doesn’t make it any easier to be patient when every fiber of your being is yearning to have a baby in your belly. I told J mid-rant yesterday that yes, I knew I was fully on-board the crazy train but that I couldn’t control myself, I want it so bad it hurts. And I’ve never been good at patience. It just all came to a head because releasing the turtle made me sad to say goodbye to our pet, Jaxson’s sad little voice crying out for the turtle made me feel guilty although J and I knew we were doing right by Terrapin, and some other events regarding Jaxson’s babysitting situation this upcoming week happened simultaneously to the release of the turtle which made me feel disappointed, helpless, and hopeless because how the hell are we ever going to have another baby because we can’t even manage the one we have? Piling all those emotions on top of the ones already present was just too much for me to deal with and I snapped. Hard. Now that I look back on the things I was yelling about yesterday, I feel ridiculous. All of these things shouldn’t be affecting me the way they are, and J was right when she said: “Everything always happens for us at the right times, stop trying to rush through our life, can’t you just stop and enjoy the wonderful life we have right now?”

You know what – she’s right. I don’t have an age restriction, I’m not dying, and there is really no foreseeable reason why waiting one year to TTC should be a problem. If anything, it just gives us more time to spoil Jaxson with all of our love and attention and enjoy the ride that is life with a toddler and meet each milestone together with wonder and amazement. And so I promised her I’d do my best to never freak out like that in front of our children again. I promised I’d try harder to be more patient and take the time to just enjoy the now of our wonderful life with our wonderful son. And she said she understood how I felt and she still loved me and that it would all be okay and work out at the right time for us, and I believe her. Because I know together we can and will accomplish all of our dreams, and that includes another baby, someday. And I’m taking her advice and focusing on the things that I can do right now to get ready for our TTC journey, because she knows me well enough to know that I hate being at a standstill and feeling like there is zero forward movement.

And so today I scheduled an appointment with our new OBGYN office for September 22. I feel relieved, knowing this crazy train is finally able to leave the station and that I am in control and actively doing something to move us closer toward our next baby. It’s going to be a long ride, but that’s okay, Jaxson is enough to keep us busy and by focusing everything on him instead of just the future, I have a feeling the time will fly by. I don’t want to have regrets later because I couldn’t slow down long enough to live my life and enjoy it, so that’s just what I plan to do.

Some Little Updates

A quick update on the latest happenings in Jaxson-land:

  • Vocabulary: His newest catchphrase is “Oh nooooooooo!” Also he seems to be gearing up for sentences here soon. The other day he said “juice, Mama!” which is the best he’s done so far. Also, he can say please, thank you, excuse me, and bless you, although not consistently but enough that its clear he knows what he’s saying and the proper context it should be said in.
  • Skills: He tries to blow his nose if you hand him a tissue, and the other day he was playing at my parents’ house when all of a sudden he stopped, went into his diaper bag, pulled out a burp cloth, and started trying to blow his nose in it. At least he didn’t try to use his shirt! Speaking of shirts, he also tries to put his clothes on himself now. He can’t quite figure out how to get shirts over his head or socks on his feet but he knows where the clothes need to go and tries his hardest to do it.
  • Tantrums! Oh boy! What fun! He now full-on throws a fit, stomping his feet and flailing his arms and even throwing himself on the ground to let you know he’s pissed off. These usually happen any number of times/many situations, but usually involves a Mama that’s saying No to something naughty he’s doing. Or leaving Grandpa’s house. Or changing his diaper. If you heard it, you’d think changing a diaper was as painful as slamming your hand in a car door. At least, that’s what the tear-streaked cheeks and wails of agony coming from our child seem to indicate.
  • Teeth, namely using them to bite. Ugh. When will this end? It starts out with an over-eager toddler running toward you, big smile on his face, as he headbutts you and smashes his face into whatever appendage is closest. Aww how sweet! He’s giving me a big smooch. And then PINCH! what started out as a big smooch turns into a nibble. Honestly I’d say about 75% of the time he doesn’t mean it, he tends to kiss in a wide-open-mouth style at this stage so I think his teeth just get in the way. But then there are times when he does mean it and there is no doubt that he meant it. And those are the times he ends up in time-out.
  • Ch-ch-ch-changes! After talking to some other parents Saturday at our nephew’s 2nd birthday party, the general reply when we asked how they weaned seemed to be “Oh we just took the bottles away and said, No more, you’re a big kid now! And that was it.” We had nothing to lose, so we tried it. That Saturday night, we didn’t give Jax his bedtime bottle. Sunday night, no bottle. Monday night, no bottle. Tuesday night, no bottle AND no nu-nu (pacifier). The bottles have all been cleaned, sanitized, and packed away for the next baby. Folks, I think its safe to say our boy is night-weaned, just like that. Here we were trying to slowly lower the amount of milk he was getting at night, then tried doing it so it was mostly water and not milk, and he wasn’t giving it up (since he loves water). Now that bottles are a thing of the past, we just need to keep going forward without the nu-nu and we’re in business. I can’t believe how seamlessly he transitioned to bedtime minus the bottle. I think he must have been ready to give them up, which only made it simpler. No complaints here! We’ve also started implementing a “daycare schedule” with my dad watching Jax a couple days a week so J can focus on work those days and Jax gets some non-Mama time. I think it will have its difficulties at first but overall I know it is a positive change and I know Jax (and Grandpa) will love spending time together more often.

In other news, this was a really rough week (and yes I know it is only Wednesday) but some good has come of it. My cousin had her handsome baby boy, Oscar! My lovely wife got a well-deserved raise at work and now we’ll be able to pay off some debt and really get started saving up for our next big adventure – Baby #2. It no longer seems like some abstract idea or concept that we’ll be trying to get pregnant “someday”, but rather, a true possibility. I am so grateful that my wife works so hard on top of caring for Jaxson and that when the future looks bleak or I’m feeling down about timing, something always happens to renew my faith and bring good things our way. We are very blessed and thankful and lucky and (impatiently) waiting for the next chapter of our little family’s journey through life. 🙂