Shifting Focus

Tonight is my last Clomid pill for this cycle. The Prometrium was much worse than these by far – causing me to have intense anger/irritability at J for imagined slights against me (sorry baby) and a resulting epic blow-up for no reason at my mother-in-law at lunch on Sunday for which I am still feeling horrible. Perhaps this is why I do not have periods regularly – because hormones literally make me an INSANE PERSON! LOL I feel sorry for J once I’m pregnant and have those hormones coursing through my system. Yikes!

The Clomid has definitely still been affecting me, though. I’ve been bloated and crampy/twingey in my ovaries. I had a headache the first day but that could have been due to the thunderstorms moving through our area. I’ve had some nausea/loss of appetite but that could definitely be due to feeling rather crappy fighting off a sinus infection/head cold for the past few days. I’ve also been peeing a lot more lately but I’m sure that is also due to the 3 cups of raspberry green tea I’ve been drinking every day at work. Because of this, I told J that I won’t know when I’m actually pregnant because I’d imagine this is much what it feels like: peeing all the time, weird feelings in my insides (weird for me, since I don’t get regular periods or ovulate naturally, I don’t really know what this is all about!), general ickiness…

We’ve also been dealing with a lot of stress: worry over cutbacks/furloughs at my job, J struggling to juggle her super busy job and our super busy toddler by herself all day every day, spending oodles of money for the baby-making, J and I working on some relationship and self issues, both of our moms are needing or have recently had surgery and scary health issues, etc.

In all of this we’ve kind of let the baby-making journey thus far go to the back-burner of our minds and haven’t really had a chance to think about it or get excited. We’re going through the motions, visiting the doctor, but our focus really isn’t on it. It’s not fair to ourselves or our growing family to basically be ignoring the fact that we are trying to gain a new tiny human! This should be a time of excitement and instead its been a time of extreme stress and discouragement and shit hitting the fan all over the place.

J, Jax, and I went out to dinner last night and did some shopping, and we just spent time together and talked about any and everything. We just took the time to reconnect and get excited about this next step in our lives. It is exciting! It is important! And it’s time we start treating it that way instead of letting everything else get in the way and bring us down.

Not to say the other things aren’t important, but making a new tiny human for our family is pretty darn important too and deserves our attention. Besides, in the midst of this maelstrom of negativity, we need to focus on something positive and happy.

So in shifting our focus back to baby-making, today’s the last night of Clomid for me, and Monday is my follow-up doctor’s appointment to check on my follicles. I’m nervous and excited! J thinks I will be ready to go and they’ll have me do the Ovidrel trigger shot that night and come in on Tuesday or Wednesday for the IUI. Of course there’s no way to know until Monday but we’re staying positive, focusing on enjoying this journey toward Baby #2, and trusting that everything will work out when it is meant to. The happiness is what deserves our attention, not the millions of other things stressing us out that we have no control over. And it’s about time we let ourselves get excited about something for a change!!


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lezbemoms
    Dec 05, 2014 @ 14:25:04

    I’m glad you have such a good attitude about it all and you’re focusing on the process. Life is a journey, not a destination, right? Especially making a NEW life. 🙂


  2. waitingforourbossbaby
    Dec 07, 2014 @ 03:25:14

    Who doesn’t become an insane person with all the hormonal changes? The cyclical changes that go along with creating a new life aren’t very predictable. However your outlook is great, so positive.


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