The Big No

I was supposed to have my blood beta pregnancy test today, but my period showed up with a vengeance yesterday morning. Instead I have an appointment with the fertility doctor tomorrow morning to get set up to try again in January.

Both J and I were very surprised that I wasn’t pregnant. I had crazy “symptoms” that I’d never had before a period before: nausea, exhaustion, the inability to finish a meal, hot flashes, weird tastes in my mouth, and the weirdest freaking cramps and twinges ever. At least now I know not to read into how I’m feeling as much next time, because obviously I’m super-sensitive to the Ovidrel shot and it mimics pregnancy way too well for me.

Another thing I learned for next time is not to test before my period is due. I did end up testing on Christmas evening and got a faint positive. We dared to hope even though it was still early. Tested again the day after and got another faint positive, although it was a little lighter. Hope blossomed. Then on Saturday I tested and got a negative. My heart broke. J refused to believe it and thought we still might have a chance but I felt in my gut that it was over, as much as I wanted to believe we could still get good news. I’m guessing I take a longer time than J did to get rid of the Ovidrel out of my system and that was the reason for the faint positives that got lighter before disappearing completely. Lesson learned: no early testing. All it did was make me anxious, freaked out, and a little crazy.

I feel silly for being so upset about it not working on the first try. I realize how many people have had such long, hard journeys to parenthood, and there are those still traveling the road. I am just sad that we weren’t in that small lucky percentage of people that only had to do IUI once. I’m upset at how expensive this whole thing has to be, and that we can’t just oops! at home and make a baby ourselves. I’m sure these feelings are not unfamiliar to many of you reading this. At least we are not alone. And we’ve seen the support our friends and family have given us via Facebook, which warms our hearts and reminds us just how loved we are and how many people are rooting for us and putting out positive energy in our direction. I’m so glad you’re all along for the ride.

I know it will happen at the right time, but I’m really hoping January is our month! 😉

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DeCaf
    Dec 30, 2014 @ 20:10:18

    I’m sorry. It always hurts to get a negative. I tested early and got a negative.

    Reply

  2. babiesforladies
    Dec 30, 2014 @ 20:13:03

    Sorry to hear 😦 better luck on your January cycle 🙂

    Reply

  3. thebarrenlibrarian
    Dec 30, 2014 @ 20:34:53

    That trigger can really mess with you. Next time you might want to test it out just so you know, although hopefully the knowledge wont matter because the next cycle will be the one! Sorry for the bfn though. They are not fun whether its your first or your last.

    Reply

  4. secretandtiffany
    Dec 31, 2014 @ 03:39:28

    We are hoping that for you too!! We are right along with you rooting for you the whole way

    Reply

  5. jamameri
    Dec 31, 2014 @ 06:19:15

    So sorry…baby dust for January…lots an lots

    Reply

  6. Lindsay
    Dec 31, 2014 @ 07:07:24

    So sorry about your period showing up. Here’s to the new year bringing you a new baby!

    Reply

  7. MrsT
    Jan 02, 2015 @ 06:59:47

    I’m so sorry. TTC is such an emotional journey its ok to be upset and release those feelings. Sending you lots of good baby vibes for Jan’s try! *hugs*

    Reply

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