Jaxson is Two!

Happy Birthday Jaxson!! Goodbye baby, hello two-year-old! Our little man is two!! These mommies can’t believe just how big Jaxson has gotten, nor can we believe that he’s already two years old. Wasn’t he just born? I think every mom goes through this (and probably on every birthday for the rest of their kids’ lives!) but it literally feels like just yesterday when we first held him in our arms.

Two Year Check-Up: He had his 2 year old well visit and they were surprised how big he is! They think he’s gearing up for a growth spurt here pretty soon, but he’s still healthy and looking great.

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He’s grown about 5 inches and gained about 5 pounds from his 1 year check-up (thank goodness his head didn’t also grow 5 inches, its big enough as is!) We had some concerns about him walking on the inside of his left foot, and he keeps tripping a lot lately, with or without shoes on. So we’re being referred to a podiatrist so we can get that checked out. He may just need an insert for his shoes to help correct it since he’s still so young, so I’m hoping that’s all. He even fell the other day so bad that he bit his lip and there was blood everywhere! He was a champ though and Mama J took great care of his boo-boo. He also still has the heart murmur but the doctor isn’t concerned at this point. He’s right on track with vocabulary and skills and overall, everything is perfect with our little boy. He got his Hepatitis shot and did great (he only screams when you’re holding him still for it) and he was very excited about his Iron Man band-aid.

Disney “Fun”: We went to all four Disney parks for his birthday/our anniversary, and while I wish I could say that it was a fabulous vacation and we had a great time…I’d be lying. We have decided that we will not be returning to Disney with children until the youngest is at least 5! It was an intense trip and I think just a little much for our two year old. There were so many people that he couldn’t walk without nearly being trampled and he hated having to be in the stroller the whole time. He didn’t get the concept of having to wait to do something and he cried after getting off a ride every. single. time, so that was rough. He freaked out meeting Sofia the First and didn’t really care for the Disney Jr. show, which was the ONLY reason we even went to Hollywood Studios. Animal Kingdom was fun with the safari ride, which we all really enjoyed, and he absolutely LOVED the Nemo stage show. He refused to take a nap Saturday, so we ended up going to Magic Kingdom that night to see the fireworks, which we all also really enjoyed. The sense of wonder and amazement on Jaxson’s face made us forget about all the crappy experiences of the day (at least for a little while). This was why we came, we reminded ourselves. J had also never gotten to see the fireworks so it was really exciting to share that memory with the two of them. Jax liked the Electrical Light Parade as well and we made our way back to the hotel at midnight for a restless/sleepless night with the three of us sharing a King-sized bed.

None of us are good travellers, we prefer our own home with our own bed and our own stuff. Needless to say, Jax woke up throughout the whole night and I finally got out of bed with him around 6:30 because I hadn’t been able to sleep and wanted J to (try to) get a little rest. We headed back to Magic Kingdom and he met Pluto (sort of, again not a fan) and rode some rides (Dumbo, Small World, Teacups). The line to meet Mickey was over an hour long and we were toasted. A meltdown between all of us ensued because the whole point of coming to Disney was for Jax to meet his favorite, Mickey! We almost skipped Epcot to just come home, but Epcot (of all places) ended up being our jackpot!

You go on school field trips to Epcot because it’s lame educational what with the country showcase and the Innovations section, but it ended up being our best experience of all. We waited 20 minutes to meet Mickey, Goofy, and Minnie and ended up getting cute pictures! We also went on their Nemo ride and bought Jax a souvenir, a little plastic Nemo which he loves. We ate lunch at Mexico (the most overpriced nachos I’ve ever had LOL) and finally headed home. To be fair, at least Jax loved riding the trams to and from the parking lot, and he really enjoyed both the monorail and the ferry boat ride to Magic Kingdom. So while there were a lot of crappy moments, there were a few moments that made us smile and not completely want to hang ourselves. I think if he’d been older it would have been much easier, and if he’d been a girl there would have been more to appeal to him, since it seems most of Disney is geared toward the Princess stuff. Regardless, J has an extra day left on her pass and we are planning for just the two of us to return for a day for a do-over.

Down with the Sickness: We’ve been super sick in our household since Disney. I’m sure we all picked up something there because there are just so many people and not enough hand sanitizer! Jax was sneezing, had a runny nose, and was coughing for about a day or two and then he was over it. Thank goodness he has such a good immune system, because Mama and Mommy are both still down for the count almost a week later. I’m so glad he didn’t get it this bad, at least.

Interests: I think we have an artist on our hands, whether its music or dance, he really seems to enjoy both very much! He’s loved drums forever now, and he “plays” on everything he can get his hands on. He also really enjoys watching Dance Moms and seeing the girls dance. He will watch, and then get up and start mimicking their motions and dances. It is the cutest thing ever! I used to do ballet and tap so I’ll show him some moves and he loves it and starts copying me. He also loves cars and trains and planes and all the typical “boy” stuff, and loves to pull J and I down to the floor to play with him (Mama, play please!).

Bread! and Other Food Adventures: Jax finally eats bread (sometimes)! It’s only taken two years to get him here, but he enjoys wheat bread and bagels. He’ll eat lunchmeat sandwiches occasionally but only if the meat is warmed up/toasted on the sandwich. He’s been really difficult with food lately, completely refusing to eat anything all day, and the doctor actually talked about it at his check-up that we are not to give him any juice or milk before his meals, because he’s just filling up on milk instead of food. If he doesn’t eat, then he doesn’t get the drink. They reassure us that when he’s hungry he will eat, but most days it just feels like we’re throwing food in the garbage because he won’t eat a thing. Rarely, he’ll branch out and try something we have, but we know better to buy him a meal out because it will just be a waste. Oh, but of course, he always has room for fruit snacks or chips. Typical kid! He also had his very first popsicle while he was sick, and did a great job with it! No huge mess with drippy sticky goo everywhere, so that was a big plus.

Vocabulary: I can’t even tell you how many words/phrases Jax knows now. It seems like every day he picks up 100 new words and he’s repeating everything you say. He also likes to “sing” Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star with other words. So combined, this is not always a good thing! For instance, I said “That guy was a booty head!” when we were driving the other day and he immediately started saying, “Twinkle booty head!” Oh boy. He likes to try to say really hard words too, like calculator and helicopter and chameleon (seriously?). We’ve been doing flashcards with him and he’s just so smart, I can’t believe how much he understands and picks up. I’m also very excited for his sentences so that he can make his needs/wants known (most of the time).

Interaction: Going along with an increased vocabulary is an increased ability to interact with other kids! This is very exciting for us to see, as usually Jax is kind of quiet and a loner, always observing other kids but never really reaching out to communicate. The other day at the Mall play area he made a little girlfriend and they drove the rocket ship together. And then we had a Jax & Mommy day the other day because J had to actually go into the office for work, and I took him to a pirate-theme playground. There were two other boys there and he got right up there with them and started playing with them, saying “Pirates! Yo ho ho!” They took turns steering the pirate ship and all three of them were Yo Ho Ho’ing all over the place. He’s just getting so big and even starting to get more adventurous – he went down both of the big slides and did some rock climbing with no help from me! I couldn’t believe it. It is bittersweet, realizing that he’s finally getting to the point where he’s starting to branch out, find his independence, and feel confident enough to let go of our hands and go have a good time.

Discipline: Despite his blossoming vocabulary, he’s getting frustrated when he can’t communicate what he wants to us, and has mini-meltdowns if he doesn’t get his way. We try so hard not to laugh at him because we will fuss at him for something and he’ll start getting upset/crying, and then throw himself at us saying I LOVE YOU MOMMYYYYYYYY! We hug him back and say I love you too, but you’re still in trouble. LOL He’s also learning consequences now, for instance, he hit me in the face with a toy football, so I took it away and put him in timeout. He had his two minutes, apologized, then immediately wanted to go get the football again. When I told him no and he couldn’t play with it because he hit me with it, he lost his mind. Eventually he gave up, and he got the chance to play with the football the next day. Both J and I try to be really consistent and always explain to him why we are doing/saying something. I know a lot of people look at us like we’re nuts because we explain things to him, but just because he can’t say everything we’re saying to him, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand what we’re saying, and that is why we have a well-behaved boy.

He Really Is A Wonderful Boy: Jax has got such a kind heart. J and I both wanted a good boy that would grow into a good man and treat others right. Well, we got our wish and he really is such an amazing boy. He always plays well with others and is such a great sharer. He shows empathy and concern when others are hurt or upset and gives hugs and kisses freely! He tells us he loves us all the time and he loves his stuffed animals as if they were his pets. Speaking of pets, he’s so good with them and kind. Most kids will pull their fur or “pet” them too hard – not Jaxson! Plus he’s polite, saying thank you and please and excuse me when he burps (after laughing a little first of course). He is truly, 100%, a good person and we are so blessed to call him our son!

Pictures!

 

Silly!

Silly!

Future Quarterback

Future Quarterback

Riding the Pony at the Ren-Fair

Riding the Pony at the Ren-Fair

Fun at the Park!

Fun at the Park!

Ouch!

Ouch!

What a ham

What a ham

How he feels about baths nowadays

How he feels about baths nowadays

Enjoying his bagel!

Enjoying his bagel!

Mr. Attitude!

Mr. Attitude!

Jax & his BFF MoMo

Jax & his BFF MoMo

He wanted me to get a picture of MoMo

He wanted me to get a picture of MoMo

I got one hand in my pocket...

I got one hand in my pocket…

Riding the Safari

Riding the Safari ride

A little terrified of Sofia the First

A little terrified of Sofia the First

Disney WASTED

Disney WASTED (for 10 minutes)

Oooh fireworks!

Oooh fireworks!

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SO pretty!

Light Parade!

Light Parade!

Birthday Boy!

Birthday Boy!

Mommies love Jaxson!

Mommies love Jaxson!

Ready for Magic Kingdom!

Ready for Magic Kingdom!

Our Future Home LOL

Our Future Home LOL

Teacups

Teacups

Jax & his favorite

Jax & his favorite

Us!

Us!

Goofy

Being goofy with Goofy

Hugs for Minnie

Hugs for Minnie

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I love this one!

Here we are!

Here we are!

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Yay Nemo!

Jax showing off his souvenir Nemo

Jax showing off his souvenir Nemo

Jax and his new

Blasting off with a new friend!

Bomb Pop!

Bomb Pop!

YUM!

YUM!

Rock climbing all by himself!

Rock climbing all by himself!

Sick and Tired

But not in the way you might think. I’ve been SO tired since the IUI on Thursday and then on top of that, I came down with a cold complete with sore throat, runny nose, and headache. Of course being in the two week wait, I can’t take my usual Dayquil, and Tylenol does jack. Being sick while possibly pregnant is really taking the cake for ways to make me miserable.

However, I’m happy to be ill if it gives my immune system something else to focus on instead of the foreign body taking residence in my womb (I hope!). J got super sick when she was TWWing in the cycle we got pregnant with Jaxson, so maybe this is a good thing! Either way, thank goodness I can still have Ricola throat lozenges! LOL

In other news, we asked Jaxson if we are going to have a baby, and he says yes. If we ask where the baby is, he says “Mommy belly”. Maybe he knows something we don’t know yet. I sure hope so, little man!

The Two-Week-Wait Begins Again

I had my second IUI yesterday afternoon and everything went wonderfully. Our sperm count was 32.4 million, which the doctor was really pleased with, and still higher than what J got pregnant with so we were both happy about that. The IUI itself was quick and (relatively) painless, and our 10 minute wait afterward sped by. We grabbed some lunch to go and headed right home. I didn’t get a massive migraine this time, nor did I have to take a nap, but I was exhausted about 2 hours after the IUI. I had some cramping and definite ovulation pain throughout the afternoon/early evening, and my temp rose by 0.6* this morning to confirm ovulation, so I’m feeling pretty great about our timing.

It’s hard not to compare this experience to our last try, but so far its almost completely opposite. My boobs don’t hurt (yet) and I didn’t get the wicked migraine. I’m exhausted, like down to my bones tired, but I haven’t done anything warranting that kind of feeling. Also I don’t really have an appetite but I get nauseated if I don’t eat in a timely manner. I know this is all trigger-shot related since its too early to blame anything on the baby, but it’s just crazy how your body reacts differently every time to the medications.

My blood pregnancy test is scheduled for February 6, and it can’t come soon enough. This is going to be a loooooooong two week wait, but at least we have plenty of fun to keep us busy during the wait this time. We’re going to a local Renaissance fair thing this weekend, and next weekend we’re taking Jax to Disney World for his birthday. We got a really great deal on J’s ticket and Jax is still free to get in so the whole cost of this trip is almost half of what his birthday party last year cost! Some people were really bummed out that we weren’t having a big birthday party for him again this year, but we wanted to do something really special for Jax this year. I’m excited to have the time to spend together, just our little family, before we add another kid to the mix. Plus, its also our 7th anniversary that weekend, so even more reason to celebrate! I know he’ll love visiting Mickey Mouse’s house (we see Disney commercials all the time on TV and he says “Mickey Mouse home”!) and while yes, I know he won’t remember it, we will and being able to see the Magic through his eyes for the first time will be priceless. I think we’ll have a great time and I am really looking forward to it!

So hurrah! Let the two week wait begin! I’m feeling good about this cycle and I know that I did everything I could to make a happy healthy home for our baby. Come on baby! We’re ready for you. 🙂

Finally!

Four ultrasounds, 2 rounds of Clomid, and almost a month later, we’re a go for this cycle! I had my follow-up ultrasound this morning with the RE and my lining is great and I had one big ol’ beautiful follicle ready on the left ovary. I’m triggering with the Ovidrel tonight around midnight and then having our 2nd IUI on Thursday 1/22 at 1 p.m.

FINALLY!

It feels like we’ve been waiting forever, but I am so very happy that this wasn’t a complete waste of time/money – so the wait was worth it. I’m a little sad that I only kept one follicle of the four that were trying to grow, but one is better than none, and I’m curious to see how this try goes using the left ovary this time. I always feel ovulation from the left side, so I’m hoping that bodes well for this attempt. The stair-step approach with the Clomid did get me to respond, but if there’s a next time, I’m definitely asking about switching to Femara/Letrozole instead.

But, I’d appreciate it if you keep your fingers crossed there won’t be a next time and that this time does it! 🙂

Frustrated

Today was my follow-up ultrasound appointment with the fertility doctor. I was so anxious about this visit that I swear you could have heard my heartbeat in the room. After a long pause, the doctor turned the screen around to show me what was going on – great lining, but not-so-great follicle growth. I have two larger follicles on both the right and left ovaries (so a total of 4 which is good at least) but none of them have taken the lead and they’ve only grown a little bit since last Wednesday. He said this was pretty common and not to worry (easy for him to say, right?), and he gave me two options:

  1. Wait a little longer and see if they grow on their own by next appointment. I could just be having a “slow” cycle this time around and ovulating later than last cycle (CD 19)….or….
  2. Have my estrogen and progesterone checked and depending on those values, start 150 mg of Clomid tomorrow to give those struggling follicles a boost. If the labs show I’ve already ovulated (highly unlikely) or I have cysts, then this cycle will be a bust and we’ll have to wait.

I chose the second option. I felt that waiting too much longer will render this cycle annovulatory and therefore a bust. So I took the option that seems to at least still gave us a chance this month. I had my stat labs drawn this morning and hopefully they’ll get those results back today so we can move forward sooner than later.I am just really really really hoping I can start the 150 mg of Clomid instead of having to wait out the rest of this cycle, and that I’ll get a good response and boost those follicles!

But I’m still really frustrated with my body. I’ve been back on our lower-carb diet and even lost some good weight this past week, but it just feels like my ovaries are laughing at me. And of course the old demons are whispering from my shoulders: “Well, they said you’ll never be able to get pregnant”. I know that I’m feeling bad for myself and being impatient, angry, annoyed, frustrated, but most of all I’m just sad and disappointed. I feel like I’m letting everyone down because my body can’t get its act together. I feel like we’re wasting thousands of dollars on a hopeless cause. When I told J the news this morning, she echoed my own thoughts of “maybe we should just stop trying”. I feel like a failure for even saying that, like I’m just giving up before we’ve even really started, and I know a lot of that is just raw frustration talking, because we do want to keep going, it’s just a matter of affording all of this. I know it can take time and unfortunately for us and those in our situation, lots of money…but its money we don’t have infinite amounts of and so of course that is just adding to our stress pile. I want our second baby, our baby girl that I know is out there, but it just feels like a dream that’s so far away and unattainable, slipping through our fingers, because we can’t afford to keep spending $2300/month to buy sperm and try to get pregnant.

*Sigh* Deep breaths…I know it will all work out the way it’s supposed to, I’m just having a really hard time keeping the faith today and looking for the silver lining in these dark clouds.

Update: The doctor’s office called me at 1 and left me a message, labs came back good (well, as good as they can be in this situation lol) and I’m starting the 150 mg of Clomid tomorrow night for 5 days. I go back on Tuesday morning for a follow-up ultrasound. They wanted me to come back in on Monday but I can’t take any time off that day – they said there is a (very) slim chance I could ovulate on my own or have too big of a follicle by waiting, but it’s a risk I’ve got to take. Fingers crossed this round of Clomid does the trick. It’d be a most welcome change to finally get some GOOD news! And if not, then I’m definitely asking about switching to Femara/Letrozole next cycle…if there is a next time.

Progress, I Think

I had an RE appointment this morning to see how I did on the 100 mg dose of Clomid. There was good and not-as-good news, but I’m not stressing. The good news, I have 3 possible follicles this cycle (2 on the right and 1 on the left). Three eggs is definitely better odds than just having  one. The not-as-good news is that all 3 were still on the small side at around 10 mm. I have a follow-up ultrasound next Monday morning to check on them again. We were kind of bummed that I wasn’t ready to go this week, but it is what it is and I can’t do anything about it.

J is a little worried: about how slowly I respond to the Clomid and why I’m not responding as quickly as she did, if IUI done later in your cycle lowers your chances for success. Dr. Google says there are plenty of successful IUI stories later in cycles as well as slow Clomid response being a relatively normal thing for some women. Personally I felt like my ultrasound was going to be a little too early this time, but I think the doctor was just expecting me to take off with the Clomid. I told J that I’m not worried, I am just trying to do all I can to keep my body on track by being healthier, which I know will only help my chances. After all, it did help J!

Plus I think three follicles this time is a big improvement, so yay there and fingers crossed they all are big enough by Monday! I’m hopeful that we will have our next IUI sometime next week. I’m really trying not to stress, focus on positive thoughts, and make my body a better place for a baby.

A Long Time Coming

Happy New Years everyone! This year is already off to an auspicious start for us. Florida is finally recognizing gay marriages performed elsewhere and issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. We’ve come full circle and I’m so excited! J and I have been together seven years, and married for almost three, and today we finally have marriage equality in our home state. Now we can amend Jaxson’s birth certificate to show me as a parent. Our next child will have both of us on their birth certificate from the beginning. We can now have joint health insurance. We can now have peace of mind that if something happened to either of us, our children will stay with the surviving spouse. We now have the basic rights many straight couples take for granted.

I have the marriage of my dreams, the house, the kids, the whole 9 yards. Today I am thankful for it all more than ever, and hoping that marriage inequality is soon a thing of the past for all those still waiting.