Our Spotlight on The Next Family

Our family has been featured on The Next Family’s Spotlight series! Check it out here!! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

IUI #3 = BFN

It should have been a yes today. But it wasn’t. I got my labs done at 11 and had the results by 1 – negative. As if the 5 negative cheapies this week and the negative First Response last night hadn’t already told me that. The nurse told me to stop taking the Prometrium and then asked “What do you want to do next?” 

Well, we’re taking another break. We need to try to get the situation with our dud vial of sperm taken care of. Hopefully we can just get it replaced. Our sperm bank also just relocated to Orlando, so maybe we can save on shipping by picking it up ourselves. We’ll see how it goes, I guess. 

As for our next steps after that…we are throwing some ideas around. It may end up being a completely different plan, but right now having another baby is a priority, whatever path we have to take to get there. We’re ready. We both just have to be willing to change our expectations. Regardless, we will have another baby, and soon I hope. 

I know I’ve been focused on TTC lately, so I just wanted to say that Jaxson is so amazingly smart. He surprises me daily with the new words he’s learned and how insanely good his memory is. He speaks in full grammatically correct sentences. He uses his manners. He knows all his letters, with big thanks to ABCmouse.com (highly recommended)! He loves puzzles and reading books. The other morning he woke up and climbed up in his rocking chair and started reading a book to me. He has a sense of humor and the most adorable quirks (he’s definitely an Aquarius!) and mannerisms. He loves to help with chores. He’s a stubborn, tantrum-throwing doody-head sometimes, but I love him more in spite of it. He’s just a typical two year old, but he’s brilliant and kind and gives the best hugs and kisses. He is such a joy, even when he’s pushing all your buttons. He’s simply the best. 

May-ja Vu

May 19 has come again, and this time we find ourselves in an eerily similar situation…2 month hiatus followed by a May insemination…

I am hoping beyond hope that it brings good things again this year, and also reflecting with joy on this day 3 years ago that our son was conceived. He has been one of the greatest blessings in our lives and being his moms has been the most rewarding (albeit also challenging) job we’ve had!

I wouldn’t trade our sweet boy for anything, and I’m just so grateful that we were blessed with such a wonderfully kind and caring boy. I’m hoping May brings us good luck again this year, and we’ll be back on the roller coaster again very soon. ๐Ÿ™‚

5 days past IUI today…9 more (ridiculously long) days to go!

It’s A Beautiful Day To Make Babies

Any fan of Grey’s Anatomy knows that McDreamy always says “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” before he starts a surgery. Today, as J and I were waiting to have our IUI, I took her hand and told her, “It’s a beautiful day to make babies”. She agreed.

When the doctor came in, he had some crazy news: we had two vials of sperm and when they thawed the first one, there was a big clump of mucus (gross!) in it so it was unusable (damn it!) They told us to contact the cryobank and they’d send over the paperwork so we can get a refund/replacement. Thankfully, our second vial was just fine and had a count of 21.6 million. I’m just so happy that they didn’t thaw the good vial first so we weren’t left with a dud vial in storage! And this way, when I find out I’m pregnant (see what I did there), we can pocket a refund for the dud vial and that’s $500 we could really use right now!

We really hope it works this time, and we’re hoping for a girl! Not that we wouldn’t be happy with whatever gender it would be, but we really want our girl and Jax wants a baby sister (and I’ve seen her before so I’m convinced that’s who’s on the way). As we were waiting in the office for the doctor to come in to do the IUI, everything around us was girly. Usually they have blue gloves in the office, this time they had hot pink. I had a pink drape on. Someone’s kid had stuck a sticker on the side of the exam table that was a picture of a fairy in a pink dress. It felt like the office was giving us the Team Pink vibes today!

We had some breakfast at Einstein’s and then picked Jaxson up from Grandpa’s house. I had the IUI at 9:12 and started feeling some left-sided aches and pains around 11:30, so I feel like our timing was really great this time. I’m just relaxing with J, watching Jax run around the backyard, and enjoying this beautiful day.

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We are both so optimistic for this cycle, and the logical part of us thinks that we’re crazy for putting so much hope behind today’s IUI. But we’re ready. We feel good about this cycle and we can’t help but be positive. I’ve just been at peace about this whole process this time around. ย I’ve been seeing the white butterflies in abundance. I looked back at the blog and pictures about the fertility statues we’ve visited, hoping to refresh our good luck. I’m not religious (anymore) and I haven’t read the Bible since (Christian) high school, but I kept having Jeremiah 29:11 pop into my head, and I love the “Complete Jewish Bible” translation – For I know what plans I have in mind for you,โ€™ says Adonai, โ€˜plans for well-being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. This has sort of been my mantra the last few doctor’s visits and repeating it keeps me calm and reminds me that God’s got our backs and the miracle of making a baby will happen at the right time. This was the right time for us to make Jaxson. I just hope this is the right time again. ๐Ÿ™‚

I start progesterone on Saturday and I go for my beta pregnancy test on 5/28. I want to try not to test again after I test out the trigger, but we all know that will probably not happen. lol

We’re excited. Let the two-week wait begin!

Onward!

I woke up late, ran into traffic on my way to the lab for my estradiol bloodwork, and then the lab had an issue with my lab requisition form requiring me to call the doctor’s office and have them fax a new one over while I was literally in the blood draw chair with a tourniquet on.

Luckily, I got in and out pretty quickly at the lab once all of that was dealt with and I went to my follow-up ultrasound afterward to see what Follistim did for me. I’ve been having cramps and aches all weekend while doing the shots, so I was so nervous nothing was happening in there (since every other time I’ve felt things happening, nothing’s actually happened). I prayed and prayed that even just ONE follicle would stick and grow and everything would be ready at my appointment today. I was literally shaking with nerves while I was waiting in the ultrasound room for the doctor and nurse to come in. I just didn’t want to have to be told “not yet” again. All I wanted for Mother’s Day was to be able to proceed with this cycle sooner rather than later.

After digging around for a few minutes trying to find my left ovary (holy crap OW), thankfully, the stars had aligned and my body had responded by giving me one beautiful follicle on the left ovary (the second one seen on the previous ultrasound went away), perfect triple-stripe lining, and the best news of all: IUI on Thursday morning! I wanted so badly for the Follistim to have worked and thank God it did. I have to do one final Follistim shot of 75 125 IU tonight (we figured “what the hell!” and ended up using up the last 50 IU left in the vial in addition the 75 IU he wanted me to do), Ovidrel trigger shot tomorrow (Tuesday) night at 9 p.m., and then the IUI on Thursday morning at 9 a.m.! I’ll also be doing 200 mg Prometrium supplements starting at 2DPO (protocol since I was on injectables), but I was happy about that since I was going to ask for it anyway. The plus side to taking the progesterone is that anything I “feel” after the IUI is most likely from the medication, so I think it will keep me calmer and (hopefully) avoid the dreaded symptom spotting during the TWW. And finally, I have my beta blood pregnancy test scheduled for 5/28.

WE ARE SO EXCITED! Finally, we are moving forward. J was so happy when I told her the news this morning after my appointment. We laughed about the timing since we conceived Jaxson on May 19. Oh boy. What if our kids end up with the same birthday?!

Now that we know the IUI is on the books, I feel like we can take a breath and relax for just a minute. I’m so glad that we have only told our close family about this cycle so that we don’t have the added stress of everyone else knowing and bugging us for details or outcomes (it’s hard enough when our parents keep asking us to explain everything over and over again!). We have enough stress as it is since this is kind of a Hail Mary IUI.

Since we added the Follistim we had to dip into our savings for the next cycle to pay for the Follistim, so we may not have enough to continue trying right now if this cycle is a bust (especially since we definitely don’t have enough saved for the added cost of Follistim!). I’m hoping and praying and begging the universe to please just let this be our cycle, please let me be Lucky #3. I feel selfish, because I know there are so many out there who’ve been trying for years to get pregnant, but unfortunately being a lesbian minus being a millionaire plus only having limited amounts of sperm available = PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THIS BE OUR TIME! The thought of having to put baby-making on hold yet again because of financial constraints freaks me out. Its such a stupid thing to hold you back from your dreams.

But I digress. I’m not going to worry about that. None of it will matter. Because deep down, I’m having faith and believing that this will be it. And I appreciate all of you keeping the faith with me. ๐Ÿ™‚

Happy Mothers Day

Jax woke up early this morning and I went to get him out of bed. When I opened his door, he says: “I’m singing songs! Happy Mother’s Day!” I changed his diaper and then he went running into our room where J was making the bed. He leapt into her arms, gave her a big hug, and said: “Happy Mother’s Day Mama! I love you!”

He’s been saying it all day. We are so grateful to be this wonderful boy’s Moms. He makes every day amazing and we love him so much. Best Mother’s Day present ever: his love. ๐Ÿ™‚

I hope all of you have just as lovely of a Mother’s Day!

Next Up…Follistim!

I had my follow-up ultrasound this morning to see how the Letrozole treated me. My lone follicle on the right ovary fizzled out along the way and disappeared, but I gained TWO beauties on the left ovary instead. Yay! They are still on the small side (I think about 11-12 mm) so no trigger shot or IUI just yet.

The doctor gave me two options: let me “coast” until Monday and see if the two follicles grow on their own by then, or start Follistim to give them a boost. Since this is the point where my ovaries tend to “give up”, I didn’t want to take the chance of one or both follicles disappearing over the weekend. So $300 later, I have my Follistim pen in hand and I’m starting 75 IU of Follistim tonight through Sunday with labs (estradiol) and a follow-up ultrasound on Monday morning. I’m trying not to get too optimistic or overly hopeful, but we’d be really excited to be ready to go on Monday!

Although I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do injectables, I really think this protocol gives me a great chance, especially if I can hang on to both follicles (please please please please). The Letrozole worked far better than Clomid ever did for me at recruiting follicles and I didn’t have crazy side effects from it! I’m so glad there’s a chance at two follicles this time, too! The doctor also said depending on how I take to the Follistim, I could even have more. I know he won’t do an IUI with more than 4 follicles, so really two is great for me.

So, that’s where we are at. Both J and I feel good. We’re happy the Letrozole worked and excited about the Follistim (just not the cost). If all goes well, we could be having IUI #3 next week. Finally!

After talking about all of this today, J and I ended up talking about how we have been seeing a lot of white butterflies around. Like, I know it’s spring, but there’s been tons. Curious, I Googled the meaning:

I’d say getting pregnant is a pretty darn important moment on the path of life. So, lead the way, butterflies. Lead the way. ๐Ÿ™‚