How Do You Have A Vitamin D Deficiency In Florida?

We went to the doctor for our follow-up appointment today. We were super nervous going in and of course, feared the worst. 

Luckily, we met with the doctor and while some of J’s labs weren’t good, most of them were great! Her thyroid, A1C, and hormones all came back great. However, her AMH was a little low (9.8 and they like it to be 10) and FSH was a little high but still in the normal range. Basically all that means is she has a few less eggs than someone else her age, due to age, but it’s not really a big deal. The other bad result was that J’s Vitamin D was super low. How this can happen in the Sunshine State I’m not sure, but she has to take a supplement once a week for 8 weeks and then they will recheck it. We asked what Vitamin D had to do with fertility and he explained that it helps support implantation. And while he “couldn’t say for certain” that that could have contributed to our chemical pregnancy last month, chances are good that’s what happened.

The best news from the visit: we get to go ahead and try this next cycle! We thought we would have to wait until she finished the Vitamin D supplements, but he said we could proceed as planned. Yay!

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Down On Our Luck

It seems our luck has run out (what little of it we had left). We picked up and dropped off our last vial of Todd early this week, and that was about the only thing that went off without a hitch.

  1. We got denied for temporary assistance in paying our mortgage, so we had to make some scary financial decisions in order to be able to pay our mortgage, which we are feeling really down about. Basically, because I’m getting unemployment we make too much money to qualify for the program.
  2. I still have not heard back from ANY jobs. Like seriously, there is NO way that I am not qualified for anything that’s available, locally and remote! I’m getting really frustrated, and that Seattle job keeps calling my name and tempting me to just up and go…even though we both know that would be the wrong choice for our family.
  3. Dr. Chamoun’s office called J this morning to break the news – her AMH levels were low. We don’t know the specifics but they booked us for an appointment tomorrow morning to review her results with the doctor since they were booked up for the next three weeks…great.

I know what low AMH means…it means low egg quality and/or ovarian reserve. She’s not even 36 yet! It just feels like another giant Fuck You on our baby-making adventure. We’ve talked about it extensively today, and decided that if he tells us we have to do IVF to use J, then we’re going to walk away. If we were able to do IVF, then I would be the one going through that, not J. If he wants us to do injectables with IUI, then we’ll consider it, but we’re not happy about it. She’s a super needle-phobe so I know doing the injectables would be really hard for her. Not to mention the extra cost…

I feel like we are judged when we are like we are too poor to pay our mortgage, but we’re going to the doctor for a baby. Truth be told, we really thought that the mortgage assistance program would come through for us and we’d have that extra $900 in our savings to be used toward baby-making. Her mom offered us some money towards baby-making, too. But now that we have to consider additional costs, I’m worried. I just feel like for every step forward that we take, we take ten back. I feel like every plan we make gets destroyed almost immediately after a decision is made. Nothing is easy right now, in fact, its downright impossible. No job, no money, major stress and depression over our situation, and now possibly no baby…we are losing our everloving minds over here. We really, really needed a win and it feels like we’ve just gotten punched in the face…again.

Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling us to wait for baby #2. But I don’t want to! I wanted this baby 8 months ago. If I’d gotten pregnant in December, I would have been due in two months. I am haunted by that, the fact that this process has taken so long to get nowhere and taken such an emotional toll on us, leaving us sad and angry. I know there is no point in rehashing the past, but I’m upset about it. I feel like I let us down because I couldn’t get pregnant. I just feel like the universe has conspired against us to say, “Nope, no baby for you, and while we’re at it, we’ll screw you over in every way we can.”

Needless to say, we’re upset. Angry. Confused. And wondering WTF we’re going to do next…after all, we only have the one vial left…

Written July 30, 2015

Post-Chemical Pregnancy RE Visit

Today we had our visit with Dr. Chamoun. We had to bring Jaxson since we couldn’t get a sitter so last minute, but he was a gem and of course charmed everyone there. We talked with the doctor for about thirty minutes, and he seemed concerned that I was so quiet and questioned why we were switching from me to J. We told him that it was because our next step using me would be major injectables IUI or IVF, neither of which we can afford right now. We knew that J’s plumbing worked, so we were hoping she would be an easy (and cheaper) alternative to continuing with me.

He sent her for labwork to check all her hormone levels and we went to get those done after the appointment. As long as everything comes back okay, we will proceed with the next cycle doing our IUI. We go to pick up our last vial of Todd from Cryos on Friday and have to drop it off with the doctor’s office next week. We are a little sad that we don’t get to get right back to it and try this cycle, but I think the wait will be a good time for us to work on our diet (going low-carb again…) and health overall to prep J for pregnancy.

Written July 23, 2015

I Guess It Just Wasn’t Meant To Be

J started spotting last night, and got her period full-force this morning. We are devastated, but not completely shocked since the tests yesterday were so inconclusive and so very faint. It still hurts and we are both very saddened over this turn of events. I know that this baby’s life had just started, but I still feel like we were robbed of something that should have been.

The only thing we can do now is schedule an appointment with Dr. Chamoun and see about doing another IUI in-office with our last vial of Todd.

Le sigh. 😦

Updated to add: We have an appointment with Dr. Chamoun tomorrow morning for a consult and to get J’s order forms for labwork. I wish I could say I was excited, but I’m just sad. I really was hoping this would have worked at home for us…we really needed the pick-me-up.

Written July 22, 2015.

Test Day

Today is 14 DPO and J’s official test day. She slept great all night and woke up at 7:50 a.m. She thought for sure her period would have arrived, but no dice, and she took a FRER. She said she could see two pink lines right away, although the test line was very faint. As she waited the three minutes, the line got a little darker. She came and woke me up, saying “You should come look at this test.”

Sure enough, there are two lines there. It is faint but definitely pink and definitely positive! YAY! We are so excited, but still nervous, as it is still so early…BUT I know that a line is a line and there it is. 🙂

IMG_7111

BFP!!!

We went to Walmart this afternoon to pick up more tests (because, ya know, that’s just what you do) and she was disappointed to have the ClearBlue Digital say “Not Pregnant”. We were hoping for a “Pregnant” to share with everyone, but I guess we’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to see if the FRER shows positive again and if that line is darker. We did bust open the CBDigital test and there were definitely two lines, but it wasn’t very dark (although darker than the FRER from this morning) so I think it just wasn’t enough HCG to pick up on the less-sensitive digital test. We have one more FRER for tomorrow and we picked up a two-pack today with the two line FRER and the digital one that says Yes + or No – so we will see what happens next!

For now, we are cautiously excited and bursting at the seams to share the good news with our parents! Eeek! They are going to be so shocked! I think the greatest thing about this whole thing is that I got J pregnant. It was just she and I making a baby together. I am so, so happy!

Written July 21, 2015.

Damn Blue Tests

J’s been testing every day. Every day it’s been a negative…or has it? We know you aren’t supposed to look at the tests after the timeframe or whatever, but you just can’t help it, ya know? It sucks. We are over here convincing ourselves that the test could maybe possibly a little bit be positive.

That was the First Signal tests. Today was her first time trying out the Equate “compare me to FRER” tests. Dude, those tests barely pick up 25 mIU. FRER’s have been shown to pick up as low as 6 mIU. Sooooo yeah. Plus they are blue-dye tests whereas the FRER’s are pink dye which is notoriously more reliable, or so they say.

Anyway, she took the Equate test this morning at 6:45 a.m. and it was negative…we think. I swear there was a whisper of a line within the timeframe, but we both thought we were just tricking ourselves into seeing what we wanted to see. Plus the damn blue dye stained the whole test line window, so it’s hard to read just for that alone. We fell back asleep for a couple of hours and when we looked at the test again, the faint line was still faint, but darker. It’s only gotten darker during the course of the day, so we are saying it was inconclusive. It could be a yes, but it could very well still be a no. But there is definitely a line there. Ugh.

Tomorrow is T-Day, official testing day and the day J’s period is due. I’m curious to see what her temperature will be tomorrow, as it had a bit of a drop this morning from 9.7-97.9 the past few days to 97.5 today. Her wake-up time was a little earlier than normal, it was very cold in our house this morning, and we’d been up talking and snuggling with Jaxson prior to her taking her temperature, so it could have been thrown off by all that. Who knows… it’s still above coverline but pretty close. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

I really want it to be a YES, of course we both do. J’s been struggling with nausea still and having food aversions and crazy sensitivity to smells. She’s also been having localized cramps on the left side of her uterus as well as all over. Any of this could be her period waiting for us around the corner, or it could be implantation. I’m prepared for her period to show up tomorrow, but hoping it won’t. I would just be so excited to have some good news right now, especially since things have been so crappy and stressful with me losing my job. We’ve been bummed out over here, and having some good news would be awesome right now. 🙂

Is It Over Yet?

Oh, the suspense is killing us. J tested again the day before yesterday and it was definitely negative. She thought she was feeling better and not as tired, and then not five minutes later she had a bout of fatigue. She’s been having more cramps and she’s been really irritable and her road rage has been a little more intense than usual. She said she feels like her hormones are totally out of whack. Her allergies have also been worse and she’s started having trouble with her asthma (she woke up last night having an asthma attack).

She’s been feeling kind of down and disappointed that she hasn’t gotten a positive test yet, but the rational side of her tells her it really is just too early to know anything for certain. She said she wants to test every single day, but so far she’s only tested twice. We have two more tests left but I hid them so she wouldn’t be tempted. LOL

We wanted to hold out for testing again until Monday, but we will see what really happens. You know how it goes.

Written July 17, 2015.

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