Fucking Ridiculous

I found out on June 17th that I’m losing my job on June 30th. Count ’em – that’s only 9 working days notice! I’ll be honest, I’m not shocked, but I am surprised they gave us such short notice. They sent us some bullshit letter about how they sort of knew but didn’t want to tell anyone. What?! At least we could have been planning this whole time instead of being blindsided. I’ve been doing contract-based work for about a year and half, since our company bought our building from a large financial institution that was looking to cut some costs. I’ve been on 3 different projects since they took over, had benefits whose costs keep escalating, and lived in constant fear that “this would be the month” that they let us all go. Over the past few months, I’ve watched numerous co-workers and friends flee the company to more stable jobs or be let go (they like to call it “furloughed” and then they never bring you back), always clinging on to some stupid hope that it wouldn’t happen to me. My pay is phenomenal – thanks to the large financial institution hiring me in at that pay (we haven’t gotten raises in close to 3 years) which our current company kept paying us. So we’re a little stressed out that I’m losing my pay. But I’m not stressed about losing this place. Honestly, I’m rather relieved.

It’s awful to have to come to work at a place you absolutely loathe, that offers you no incentive or enrichment. Sure the pay was great, but the mental stress of having to deal with fearing for your job on the daily has taken its toll. I’m tired. I’ve already started putting in job applications and started cutting back on some of our monthly costs to hopefully keep us floating above water until my unemployment pay kicks in. I hope I can move into another job quickly so it won’t get too bad. We’ll figure it out though, we always do. At least my company decided to open up overtime for us to finish out our work before the 30th, so I’m banking in on some 13-14 hour days next week to get as much as I can, plus working 8-5 today.

This all wouldn’t be as bad if J wasn’t also losing her job toward the end of the year. We actually found out at the beginning of June that this was happening, but at least she had four months’ notice. We were planning around me still having my job, so of course those plans had to be thrown out of the window and completely rewritten. Even through all of this stress, we both agree that it feels like we’re being “guided” in some direction, toward some other path. I know that things will work out in the end, they always do, but its still just frustrating and stressful to have to deal with it at all.

On the bright side is Jaxson. He’s so amazing, when he’s not hitting or kicking us or being a “naughty boy” on purpose. He’ll even tell you: “I’m not nice boy, I’m naughty boy” like in Walmart last night when he would. not. cooperate. Mostly though, he really is a nice, good boy. He has such a kind heart and such love for his mommies. He gives the best snuggles and kisses and ugga-muggas (rubbing noses). He loves his stuffed animals, and bring them everywhere. Swimming is one of his favorite activities, and he can now swim around both grandparents’ pools on his own (with floaties of course). He can have full conversations with you now, and you can understand so much of what he says. He knows all of his colors, shapes, and ABCs, and about half his numbers 1-10. The thing that comes along with this boost in vocabulary, however, is that he is now repeating literally everything we say. In fact, last night, Jaxson says: “That’s fucking ridiculous!” Well, yes it is buddy, but I think it’s time we implement some censorship for J and I. 🙂

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Shifting Focus

Tonight is my last Clomid pill for this cycle. The Prometrium was much worse than these by far – causing me to have intense anger/irritability at J for imagined slights against me (sorry baby) and a resulting epic blow-up for no reason at my mother-in-law at lunch on Sunday for which I am still feeling horrible. Perhaps this is why I do not have periods regularly – because hormones literally make me an INSANE PERSON! LOL I feel sorry for J once I’m pregnant and have those hormones coursing through my system. Yikes!

The Clomid has definitely still been affecting me, though. I’ve been bloated and crampy/twingey in my ovaries. I had a headache the first day but that could have been due to the thunderstorms moving through our area. I’ve had some nausea/loss of appetite but that could definitely be due to feeling rather crappy fighting off a sinus infection/head cold for the past few days. I’ve also been peeing a lot more lately but I’m sure that is also due to the 3 cups of raspberry green tea I’ve been drinking every day at work. Because of this, I told J that I won’t know when I’m actually pregnant because I’d imagine this is much what it feels like: peeing all the time, weird feelings in my insides (weird for me, since I don’t get regular periods or ovulate naturally, I don’t really know what this is all about!), general ickiness…

We’ve also been dealing with a lot of stress: worry over cutbacks/furloughs at my job, J struggling to juggle her super busy job and our super busy toddler by herself all day every day, spending oodles of money for the baby-making, J and I working on some relationship and self issues, both of our moms are needing or have recently had surgery and scary health issues, etc.

In all of this we’ve kind of let the baby-making journey thus far go to the back-burner of our minds and haven’t really had a chance to think about it or get excited. We’re going through the motions, visiting the doctor, but our focus really isn’t on it. It’s not fair to ourselves or our growing family to basically be ignoring the fact that we are trying to gain a new tiny human! This should be a time of excitement and instead its been a time of extreme stress and discouragement and shit hitting the fan all over the place.

J, Jax, and I went out to dinner last night and did some shopping, and we just spent time together and talked about any and everything. We just took the time to reconnect and get excited about this next step in our lives. It is exciting! It is important! And it’s time we start treating it that way instead of letting everything else get in the way and bring us down.

Not to say the other things aren’t important, but making a new tiny human for our family is pretty darn important too and deserves our attention. Besides, in the midst of this maelstrom of negativity, we need to focus on something positive and happy.

So in shifting our focus back to baby-making, today’s the last night of Clomid for me, and Monday is my follow-up doctor’s appointment to check on my follicles. I’m nervous and excited! J thinks I will be ready to go and they’ll have me do the Ovidrel trigger shot that night and come in on Tuesday or Wednesday for the IUI. Of course there’s no way to know until Monday but we’re staying positive, focusing on enjoying this journey toward Baby #2, and trusting that everything will work out when it is meant to. The happiness is what deserves our attention, not the millions of other things stressing us out that we have no control over. And it’s about time we let ourselves get excited about something for a change!!

666 Months

Why the title referencing the “devil’s number”? Well because I think we may have a devil child living with us lately.

I had every intention of keeping this blog more up to date and focusing on more day-to-day occurrences than just once-a-month updates, but alas, life is busy…but life is good (mostly).

We are officially homeowners! We closed on our house nearly two weeks ago so our days and nights have now been filled with unpacking, cleaning, moving things around, and collapsing exhausted into bed at the end of the night. Add to that the fact that we have both been very busy at work (mandatory 14 hours of overtime for me this week!) and we barely have time to breathe let alone to blog! However, now that we are all moved in and have some semblance of an office set up, I think I will be able to get back to blogging as much as I want to.

Jaxson’s room was the very first room of our new house that has been cleaned, painted, and all set up. It is really cute! He seems to like it and he even got to pick the paint color (you think I’m kidding – we held up a few color swatches we chose and let him decide and he picked the same color over and over so we went with it). Now every time we hold him near a wall in his room he pats the wall and gazes at it lovingly. No lie!

Although he has a super cute room, sleep has not come easily to our little guy. And therefore, not to us either. We’ve had to alternate getting up with him every night because he has forsaken his 10-12 hour a night sleep schedule for getting up two or three times in the night, screaming and starving. We think he is starting to get some teeth coming in – it looks like you can see them under his gum line but they haven’t cut through yet – and we know that he is hitting a major growth spurt right now since he is wanting to eat ALL. THE. TIME. and yelling for more. And the yelling, my lord, this kid doesn’t shut up! No one believes us when we say that he yells almost non-stop because when we go out he is a perfect, personable angel (except when we go to Target, he grunts and groans so loudly that we get stares, but that is just because shopping makes him poop every single time!). At home though, he yells at his toys, yells at us, yells at the TV, yells at the cat, yells yells yells until we can’t take it anymore. In our new house we have wood floors and no rugs (yet!) so the echo is insane and I think he just capitalizes on that by yelling as loud as he can because, well, its fun hearing yourself yell isn’t it? And he’s started throwing little temper tantrums which is oh-so-fun let me tell you. Deep breath…sigh.

We haven’t had a chance to take his 6 month pictures yet since he’s been in such a craptastic mood for the past two weeks, but he finally slept through the night again last night and it seems to have helped him out with his attitude. Hopefully he will settle back into his long-sleeping trend and we can put these sleepless nights behind us all for a while so we can return to being functioning members of society! I will put pictures up as soon as we have the chance to take them. He’s getting so big!

Other than those concerns, he is doing pretty well. He still has reflux issues, some days are worse than others, but overall he has really done well with the Prevacid. Dr. Helft wants us to start weaning him off once he starts eating real food but we don’t think he’s quite ready yet. He’s been eating 1st and 2nd foods now, fruits and veggies and oatmeal cereal, and he is finally not having potty trouble from it. So we tried skipping every other day on the Prevacid and that did not go smoothly, so I think he still needs it for now. Speaking of the pediatrician, Jax goes to visit Dr. Helft this Friday for his 6 month check-up and shots! I’m sure he will do just fine, but I guess you never know. Here’s hoping for the best. 🙂

Through it all though, I have to give a great big shout-out to my wonderful wife. She really is the glue that holds our family together. She cooks, she cleans, she runs errands, she takes care of the boy, AND she works full-time from home on top of all that. I really admire her, especially in the past couple of weeks when Jaxson has been so impossible to deal with. Just yesterday I came home from working late and took him so she could finish up her work for the day and I held him, trying everything I could to make him happy, and was nearly in tears after an HOUR of him crying and screaming his head off to the point where he was gasping and choking himself. I barely had time to get changed out of my work clothes! I can’t imagine putting up with him like that ALL day, which is exactly what she’s been doing every single day while I’m at work. I get it easy – I get to leave the house all day and only have him for a couple of hours at night before he goes to bed.

A lot of people discount the fact that she is a stay at home mom and think that it should be easy-peasy for her to work from home and take care of Jax, or that neither job is really a “job”. It makes me so angry, because if they really knew how much work it was, how difficult he can be when he’s like this, and how hard it is to just find time to go pee let alone work a full-time job too…well, I just think they should all shut their mouths because its hard work and it sucks sometimes and no one understands or appreciates all the things J does in order for our family to function. I honestly don’t think I could do what she does and remain sane!

J – you are simply amazing and I am so lucky to have you. I love you! Thank you for everything you do! 🙂

Crunchy

Being a parent is hard sometimes. Like, really hard. Sure there are the times when it is all worth it, like when Jaxson is cooing and staring at you with awe like you are the coolest thing he’s ever seen (who knows, it could be true!). But then there are the nights like we’ve been having lately, where we both just want to run away from home for a little bit and sleep.

Jax has been really constipated since switching over to soy formula. His throwing up issues have gotten much better, and he only seems to vomit when he’s backed up in the poo factory. We’ve tried everything under the sun to help our little guy out, and then he finally has a great poo. Alas, it is a short-lived victory and within a day or so he’s back to (irregular) normalcy. Poor little Crunch.

It has been trying at times, for sure. There have been many tears shared among us at 3 am feedings and insecurities unloosed at the most inopportune times. But we’re getting through it. I think perhaps the worst part is the fact that anytime we go anywhere, Jax is absolutely perfect. He eats, poops, sleeps when we want/need him to. But as soon as we get home, the insanity starts all over. I really think people are beginning to think we’re mental, talking about his fits and potty troubles, but I promise, it is true. He is a GOOD baby, I’m not saying that at all. We couldn’t have a better baby! I just wish that we were able to remedy him sooner than later and for good.

Regardless, there are plus sides to parenthood. I mean, just look at this face!

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His bib is definitely telling the truth.

He is such a love! He really enjoys bathtime and last night we gave him a good soak in the big tub (he was nestled safely in his baby tub of course) to help with his belly troubles and although we make him do it, he really HATES tummy time. He’s eating like a champ now, averaging between 5-7 ounces at a go and last Friday we weighed him in at 11.2 pounds. He still has some time before his next Dr. visit to chunk up those thighs for his two-month shots! His eyes are still this wonderful dark blue color, and we both think they will end up being green. Either way, he is so handsome and everyone we meet seems to fall in love with him instantly. He makes this face all the time where he crunches everything up, including his body. I started calling him Crunchy from the start and it has stuck as his nickname. I suppose it could be much, much worse!

So aside from being full of poo (literally) he’s an amazing addition to our family and we couldn’t be happier. Well….we could be happier with a solid 6 hours of sleep, but that is still yet to come. 😉

Here are some videos of the little man at bathtime and playtime. I love his little Crunchy face! He is very serious most of the time and therefore we are still waiting for a real smile, not one resulting from gas or dreaming about food. 🙂

First Month Musings

As anyone with a newborn can tell you, once that baby arrives, you barely have time to brush your teeth during the day, let alone sit down and write a blog about changing diapers, sleep-deprivation, breastfeeding (or lack thereof), and your new bundle of joy. Hopefully now that it has been a month since Jaxson’s arrival and our tailspin into chaos, we will be able to start finding our way back to a little bit of sanity and organization. Nothing could have prepared us for what life with a baby is really like, and we are just now finally starting to catch a break and get into a groove.

I’m going to touch lightly on a few highlights while I have a moment, so here goes:

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is hard. Jaxson was not able to latch at first because he was tongue-tied, so J had been exclusively pumping since the hospital. How they were unable to find out that Jax was so severely tongue-tied at the hospital is beyond me, but whatever. So we had his tongue clipped and yet he still couldn’t latch right afterwards. J’s milk supply just wasn’t enough, so we continued supplementing formula, which caused him all manner of upset stomach problems. After trying Similac, Enfamil, and finally Gerber GoodStart, we found that Gerber Gentle seemed to be the easiest on his stomach. J continued trying to get the little man to latch, with no success. Cue the turning purple in the face, gut-wrenching, “I am SO pissed right now Mom!” screaming on his part, and tears on J’s part as the most natural thing in the world just didn’t come naturally. And not for lack of trying. There were actually a few times where he was able to latch with the assistance of the nipple shield, but they only come in two sizes (small and medium) and that just wasn’t big enough. The last time J used it to try to get Jax to latch, he actually cracked both of her nipples. Ouch! She resigned herself to being “just a pumper” and kept on pumping, meanwhile feeling like a cow hooked up to a milking machine. As if her spirits weren’t down enough, she got a plugged milk duct…two actually. She says that this was way more painful than birth, so I’m thinking it hurts pretty bad. It is basically a cyst in your boob where the milk builds up behind it but can’t come out, so you get engorged and huge and it can lead to an infection. Which brings us to our next breastfeeding hurdle, mastitis. J’s boob with the plugged ducts became bright red and despite cold cabbage leaves and pumping her soul out, it kept getting worse. We even had to miss her sister’s wedding because of it, which we were so heartbroken about. She finally made it to the doctor who prescribed antibiotics and sent J on her way with strict instructions. Pump until its gone and then she can quit pumping and let her milk dry up. J waffled for a few days about just giving up, feeling like a failure and as if she was a horrible mom because she felt helpless and hopeless. But with the support of our mom’s and myself of course, she finally decided to clean up the pumping machine and pack it away for the future when I have a kid. The mastitis is finally resolving and Jax is now fully formula-fed…

Formula

Which brings us to our formula fun. Jax started out on Similac in the hospital to help with his jaundice, but after we got home and he started feeling better, he was getting a really upset stomach from it. Gassy, bloated, cranky little guy was just not into eating. So we switched him to Enfamil, thinking maybe that would help. No go, it only made him MUCH worse! So my mom actually suggested trying Gerber GoodStart which she had used for my sister who also had a sensitive stomach. We tried the Soothe version, which is supposed to help with gassiness and fussiness (check and double check!) and instead ended up bloating him up like a balloon! It was actually fizzy, as if you put Alka Seltzer in formula. For someone with a gassy belly already, I don’t know how that fizzy mess was supposed to help, but it didn’t and he was just as cranky. So we tried the Gentle version and voila! Some relief! Except that now every time Jax eats, he vomits everywhere. I know that babies spit up and get gross cheesy neck sometimes, but this is every. single. time. he eats. He could eat 4 ounces, he could 1 ounce, and still we find ourselves two outfits and three burp cloths later going “WTF is wrong with this kid?!” He sneezes like crazy, coughs and gags, and gets all phlegmy in his throat and we’ve tried sucking out his mouth and nose after eating and it still doesn’t help. We tried burping him every ounce and every couple ounces and he still vomits. We try not to move him around too much and still he chokes and its almost to the point where we are afraid he’s going to choke himself in his sleep, so we’ve been putting him on his side in case he vomits at night, which has happened quite a few times. J has a milk allergy, and when she drinks cow’s milk it makes her phlegmy, cough, and sneeze. I’m lactose intolerant and milk and I don’t get along, and I get the upset belly like Jax. So we are thinking that he may just be having an intolerance or allergy to the milk in the formula and are hoping its an easy fix such as switching him over to the Soy formula. We are having our 1 month checkup this afternoon so we will find out what the pediatrician recommends.

Sleep

I think overall I get more sleep than J, just because I can fall asleep in 2 seconds, literally. My head hits the pillow and I’m gone. Not to mention that since I have to go to work during the week, she tries to take all the night feedings so that I can get up for work the next morning. However, while she’s had the mastitis so bad, she wasn’t able to lift her arm, and therefore couldn’t really handle the baby well. So I had to start taking over the night feedings too, or at least help with one or two of them. Now that she’s feeling better, she’s able to start taking over more, but I know its hard on her. We are trying to figure out which feeding I can take at night so she can get some rest and I don’t end up a zombie for work the next day, and it seems like I do the best taking the 2 or 3 AM feeding. Jax is waking up about every 3-4 hours to eat at night and downing a hefty 4 ounces at a clip sometimes. He is definitely growing! I think he will be 10+ pounds at the doctor’s this afternoon, because he is getting HEAVY to hold. He’s getting so tall too and finally starting to fit into 0-3 month and 3 month clothes now that he’s not a skinny mini. He sleeps like a champ though, and we finally put him to bed in his crib propped up on the Boppy pillow because he is a noisy sleeper and was keeping us up all night.

Bubba

Our cat Bubba is one cool guy. When we first got home from the hospital he showed a little bit of fear mixed with disinterest when it came to the baby. About a week later, he started peeing on the floor outside of J’s bathroom, where we keep his water dish. Every time he would drink, he would pee and we were starting to get frustrated, thinking he was acting out because of the baby. Then he began pooping right outside the cat box. Thinking it was just a behavioral problem, we tried to correct it, but J caught him peeing on the floor one day and it was almost as if he just couldn’t hold it to get to the litter box. We decided that he needed to go to the vet ASAP because it just didn’t seem right. So on Thursday, he went to the vet and we found out that he has feline diabetes and needs to be on insulin injections twice a day. He is such a good boy, though, he takes his shots like a champ and even comes to get me (I’m the one that does them since J’s a little squeamish!) if I don’t do it on time. I’m sure it helps that he gets a little wet food with it, so he gets a tasty treat to distract him. We were dealing with the diabetes for a couple of days before I heard him yowling in the bathroom Saturday night. I walked in, thinking there was a bug or he just wanted attention, and found him straining to pee and blood on the floor. Panicked, we called our vet who advised that it could be a bladder infection and to come in Monday morning to have him checked out. Bubba kept trying to go into the cat pan to pee and nothing was happening, just a few drops of blood, until we noticed him really straining to go. It was dark in the room with his cat pans, so we didn’t know something was wrong until he walked out into our living room, soaked in blood. Talk about panic! We scooped him up and packed the baby in the car and rushed to the emergency vet, where they did some tests and found a mass in his bladder. They said it could be a blood clot or possibly a growth, so we had to come back Monday for another ultrasound. We had to keep him locked up in the bathroom all night, which meant little to no sleep for either of us, on top of the worry for our little furry son. We took him back Monday but they were unable to get a good ultrasound so they just opted to give him the antibiotic shots as if it was a bladder infection and sent us on our way. Over the next couple days he finally seemed to be getting better and now, two weeks later, he is back in fighting form. He is loving on us again and sitting with us instead of hiding now, he even doesn’t really mind the baby too much and comes to hang out when we are feeding Jax. So $1200 later, at least he’s feeling better and acting normal again.

Miscellaneous

We just couldn’t catch a break this past month, and I found out that my employer sold our building to another company. At least we get to keep our jobs for at least 6 months until they figure out what to do with us, but I’m staying optimistic. At least they offer insurance so that I can put J and Jaxson on my plan once her employment ends this month. They actually filled her position while she was on maternity leave, so it worked out great that she was planning on not returning anyway. She actually got a job working from home for her cousin, helping out with her realty company, which is perfect timing all the way around. Her cousin needs the help and we need the extra money. Who knows, maybe we will be able to finally buy a house next year after all…if Bubba doesn’t cost us another fortune! 😉 I am just happy we had just gotten in our tax returns so that we could afford to take care of him, and that it wasn’t cancer. You can’t put a price tag on that relief.

So that’s all I’ve got right now, Jax is fussing for lunch, but I wanted to share his one-month picture with all of you before I sign off. He is just so handsome I could die! 🙂

1 Month

28 Weeks

Oh boy. We had our checkup this past Thursday with the interim doctor at our OB’s office. It was difficult, to say the least. She didn’t really get off on the right foot with us, as she walks in, looks at me, and goes, “Are you guys twins?” I responded with, “No, this is my wife.” And the doctor then says, “Oh, do you get that a lot – the twin thing?” And in my most annoyed voice I simply said, “Unfortunately.” Now, we do get this question a lot because I guess two plus-size girls with brown hair in ponytails and rectangular eyeglasses means that we look so similar that we are confused for twins. But why on Earth this woman decided to walk in the door the first time meeting us and say this – I’ll never know.

So as we are off on the wrong foot, let’s keep running with it. She berated J for having high sugar at her one-hour glucose test and immediately starting going on and on about how J needs to be on a special diet, pills, and possibly insulin. She also started rattling on about J’s marginal placenta previa and how she is going to have to have a C-section two weeks before her due date. J mentioned something about being nervous about the epidural to have the C-section, and instead of being comforting, the doctor says that if J doesn’t get an epidural she’ll be put to sleep for the C-section and I wouldn’t be able to be in the room. Not the best news to give someone in the first fifteen minutes of the appointment. She instructed J to be on pelvic rest, which means no lifting or bending or standing for too long, and when J asked for a note for her job about it, the doctor asks J what should she put on the note. Really? Didn’t you just say what needed to be avoided? She just gave off an air of cockiness but then she was unsure and unconfident in her decisions.

The doctor also asked if we had chosen a pediatrician yet (yep!), if we had a name picked out, and if we were planning to circumcise. Now that’s a hairy subject. We put a post on Facebook a while ago just asking for opinions about it, knowing full well what our decision was already, and we were shocked and outraged at the responses. Some people were really just so rude about it. I don’t care if that’s what you chose to do for your child, that’s your choice. But don’t judge me and tell me that I am doing the wrong thing by choosing not to circumcise. And this doctor, instead of just writing down our answer (not circumcising), she turned and gave us a look and said “Oh.” Then, she got pissed because of J’s weight. Let me tell you, J has only gained 17 pounds the entire pregnancy, and from the attitude in this lady’s voice, well she may as well have just called her a cow. She was that intense.

We really miss Dr. Connors. And we can only hope that she will be back in time for our delivery on February 10th (she is supposed to end her medical leave on January 28th, which is cutting it close!). Now that we see the OB every two weeks, we are really dreading it and stressing out about seeing this woman again. There is another doctor in the practice, so we are going to call tomorrow and see if there is any way we can go to her until Dr. Connors returns instead of this unbearable woman. We are trying not to think about what happens if we are stuck with her, because J said there is no way she trusts her to cut her open for a C-section. Honestly, I am pretty easygoing and a “go with the flow” kind of person, but this woman sets me on edge like nobody’s business. I don’t even feel confident in having her for a C-section if that were to happen, so I know how upset J must be. In fact, she was up the other night crying because of it because she was so stressed out. On top of regular pregnancy woes, J has anxiety trouble, and since being pregnant she can’t take her medication. So she really needs a doctor to calm her down, not increase her stress levels. So if we can’t switch to Dr. Clayton (the other doctor in Dr. Connors’ practice), we are going to see how the perinatologist appointment goes on December 19th. If J’s placenta has moved up, then the chance of a C-section is much lower and we may try to stick it out until Dr. Connors comes back. But if it hasn’t moved up or is getting worse and we can’t switch to Dr. Clayton until Dr. Connors comes back, then we may have to consider switching out of her practice altogether. It scares me to do so, but I think it would be the best to ease our worries.

But, we will just have to see how tomorrow goes when J calls and hope for the best. Please let us be able to see Dr. Clayton instead. And please dear placenta, move up up and away from J’s cervix, for so many reasons.

J also had to go take a 3-hour glucose test again on Friday by this doctor’s orders, which of course made her ill all day. Her arms looked like pincushions by the end! I am just hoping the results give a better picture of what is going on so maybe this doctor will back off some. I know it is important to manage gestational diabetes, but without any benchmark readings to base it on, I think she didn’t have the full picture.

It’s been a stressful week for sure, with a lot of heavy decisions weighing on us. At least the Fall term at school is over in just a couple of weeks, so that will be one less thing to worry about. I am just hoping for good news from our OB’s office and our perinatologist. And what a great time to have to start a lower carb diet with the holidays coming up. We are just trying to do the right things for us and our baby boy, and wondering why we are being tested with this situation right now. With only 12 weeks left, we are getting down to the wire and each decision we make is hugely important.

Enough bitching (LOL) – today Jax was really hurting J. She had to go lay down because he was cramming himself into her pelvis and kicking. So I started rubbing her stomach and pressing on him, hoping to get him to move up and he kicked me so hard my hand bounced off her stomach and I could see her stomach moving from his motions! I laid my hand there for a couple minutes and it is almost continuous motion now, kick kick punch punch kick punch kick kick. I don’t know how J does it because he is super active! We are going to have our hands full when he is a toddler for sure! The only thing that got him to calm down was me putting my favorite singer’s new album on and placing it on her stomach. Finally he moved up and out of the way and gave her some relief, but we just laughed because it was my music that calmed him down. Jax is definitely going to be a lot like me after all. 🙂

We are scheduling another 3D ultrasound for December 1st if we can. We will be 30 weeks that day, so I think it would be really great to get to see Jax again when he really looks like a human being instead of an alien! It is a bright spot that we are looking forward to among all the other crap we are dealing with and we’re just focusing on that for now. Afterwards we are going to go to Build-a-Bear for J’s birthday. I think we are going to make a bear (or two!) for Jax!

So for now, I’ll end this post and get ready for bed. Its Thanksgiving this Thursday and I’m choosing to be thankful for all of the wonderful things in our lives, and keeping the negatives in perspective. We can get through this, we always have. I just hope that we know the right choice to make for ourselves, and for Jax. 🙂

Jaxson is about 2.5 pounds now and close to 16 inches long (he’s a Chinese cabbage this week)! J’s womb is getting crowded and Jax doesn’t have much room to move around, but his kicks and punches are definitely more noticeable. Jaxson can also blink and has all of his eyelashes now. He is also able to have REM sleep and even dreams (although of what, I’m not sure!).

Sweet dreams, little guy!

16 Weeks

There isn’t much to report this week in the land of pregnancy, however J’s emotions have definitely been all over the place this week. Up and down and rocking side to side, she’s been on an emotional roller coaster. She says she feels more emotional this trimester so far than she did in the first trimester. She has been battling her anxiety, since she’s been pregnant she is unable to take her medication to calm her anxiety attacks. Deep breathing and meditation don’t help either. So for now we’re just riding it out, but I think she’s planning on asking if there’s anything she can take in one-off situations at our next appointment. It can’t be healthy for baby to be riding along on an anxiety attack!

Yesterday in particular was a rough day for her: she got a lot more work piled up on her desk, her boss is no longer with the company, two of her good friends in her department are moving departments, her blood work appointment did not go well as the lady had to move the needle around in her arm and really hurt her, and to top it all off we hit a cat that ran out in the middle of the road on our way to the fabric store with my sister. It got up and ran off, and J went back to look for it and it was nowhere to be found, so I think it might be OK. I hope so. It was an emotional day for sure! 😦

As for J’s breathing and dizziness, it is still there but she has her appointment with the cardiologist all set up for next week. Hopefully it is nothing to worry about and everything is OK. She still has to set up her appointment with the pulmonologist.

So its been an emotional week, I sure hope next week will be better for us and our little avocado.

Baby’s about the size of an avocado this week, approximately 4.5 inches long and weighing about 3.5 ounces. The heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood through that tiny body each day and baby’s future hair pattern is already forming on his or her scalp. Also, baby’s eyes and ears are moving into their final positions on baby’s head.

Baby’s getting big in there!

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